Rehab of the Mind

We are addicts.

What? No, you say. Addicts go to rehab. Addicts live on the streets and live hit to hit. We are not like that.

Oh, but we are, to some degree.

I’m not talking about a hard-core drug addiction to something like cocaine or heroin. I’m talking about our everyday addictions. The connotations of “addiction” bring to mind pockmarked skin, rehab, and excessive substance abuse, but really it can be prescribed to much smaller things—even things that are seemingly inconsequential.

Whether it be Starbucks, Facebook likes, getting hit on/affirmation from the opposite sex, or anything of the like, I would argue that the majority of us house something meaningless in our hearts that we get a little too much satisfaction from. You aren’t awake—or even willing to be happy—until you get that coffee. There’s a rush when you hit that 30^th Facebook like. You get a little smug when someone of the opposite sex gives you an appraising eye. There are countless other small things that give us a “rush” we’d prefer not to go without.

There is a danger to these small vices, however. Think of drug users: they start small, get hooked, and then become so deep into their habit that they are consumed. Am I suggesting Facebook likes will consume you to the point of death? Or that if you don’t get your coffee, you’ll need a trip to rehab? No, definitely not. I am suggesting, though, that these small things need to be monitored in our hearts.

I think the root of idolatry is addiction.

An idol is defined as “an image or representation of a god used as an object of worship.” Take the extreme example of a cocaine addict: the drug becomes what their life centers around. They work for it, live for it, do anything to get that next hit just to get that temporary satisfaction.  The drug is their idol and they embody the term “addict.”

Now on a less extreme scale: take Facebook likes, for example. How much are you poring over photos, editing them and Instagram-filtering them for optimal aesthetic pleasure to glean those likes? How many times a day are you checking that mirror, worrying a hair is out of place? How much per week are you spending on Starbucks? What could you be doing with your time and money otherwise? 1 John 5:21 (NLT) goes like this: “Dear children, keep away from anything that might take God’s place in your hearts.” God Himself is pretty clear about his thoughts on it in the 10 Commandments when He decrees that we shall have NO other gods before Him. We are too quick to think that these small things don’t take up substantial place in our hearts. Perhaps like a dash of cocaine, these small things may stick and grow to something more.

Addictions—be they big or small—will either master you, or serve you. 2 Peter 2:19b says “For a man is slave to whatever has mastered him.” You are on the fine line between slave and master. Drugs? When used responsibly, they are an asset to the medical world. Coffee? A great way to catch up with friends or get a boost for the day. Facebook, or any social media? A good way to keep up with friends, and have fun. Taking pride in your appearance? Nothing wrong with that, it’s good to be healthy and well groomed. From that stance, these things serve you. From the opposite stance, when you dwell on them and live for those small “rushes,” you are slave to them.

Jeremiah 2:13 holds a declaration from God about these small and worthless things: “My people have exchanged their Glory for worthless idols. Be appalled at this, O heavens, and shudder with great horror.” Shudder. What a strong word, and coming from God. These things appal him, that take up space in our hearts where he could be living. They have no right. His Glory cannot come in where there is no room!

God is sovereign in all things, including addictions big and small. Bask in his goodness. He comes to save. 2 Corinthians 3:17 states “Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”

FREEDOM. From all things big and small. From heartbreak, sadness, chains, and… addictions of all sizes.

Once you desire mastery over any area of your life, invite God in. It’s through him that the freedom of the Spirit comes and you have the right to overcome!

To end off I’ll leave you with a story of a “small overcoming.”

I have a friend who I joke with often about Facebook likes, seeing how many we can get. Although we joke, the amount of likes is satisfying. Recently one of her profile pictures got to a staggering 100 likes. We were shocked, and she felt good. She also, however, acknowledged that the “like” affirmation was getting a little heavy. So what did she do?

She deleted it. God needs that room.

Talk about mastery.

Today the World is Saturated in Heartbreak

I had originally written something else for today. After an emotionally tumultuous day, however, I cannot help but sit down and write with a heavy heart what is on my mind in this moment. This is bound to be unpopular, but I feel so compelled.
All day at work I have been moved, praying, and grieving over the happenings going on in Iraq, to the point of shedding tears of righteous anger and begging God to step in, declaring His Word over that nation. Children are being beheaded, men tortured and crucified, and women raped and brutalized. Logging into Facebook, I saw a few posts on the subject and felt gladness in my heart that some people were thinking and praying and grieving over this like I have been.
It seems that in the span of time it got me to drive home from work, however, a well-known celebrity—Robin Williams—has died, taking his own life. Opening my Facebook when I got home, there is an outpour, an outcry, of posts and shares and quotes and photos of this celebrity.
I find no fault in mourning a public figure. He touched many lives and childhoods; it is understandable that people would be so moved. “Mrs. Doubtfire” is one of my favorites, definitely, and we all know Aladdin wouldn’t be the same without him. He was a great and gifted man.
What I can’t help but think about, however, is the saying that goes “one death is a tragedy, a million is a statistic.”
The juxtaposition of the reactions to Robin William’s death and the massacres going on in Iraq is unreal to me. We have resources of thought and prayer and publicity that are being squandered over one death. Am I saying Robin Williams didn’t matter, that his death doesn’t matter? No I am not. I am just proposing that we need a shift in priority.
A celebrity death is no cause for distraction from what large issues are happening in the world. As one man has passed on from life to death, hundreds of thousands of others are on the fine line between those two extremes, suffering in ways we cannot imagine.
I am offering a call to prayer. We are God’s hands and feet here on earth. He works in us and through us to implement His will and create change and peace. As we feel the death of one celebrity, so too may we feel the pain of a nation of people experiencing unspeakable harm. As we mourn and move on from the death of a wonderful man, so too should we pick up our weapons of prayer and slay the evil going on in the East. Instead of this one death being a tragedy and the pain of a nation being a statistic, let us be open to feeling this pain of death for those far away, those we do not even know. And then let us use that pain, that righteous anger, and transform it into something powerful: prayers that God Himself will hear and answer. It is time to care for those we do not know. It is time to pray for those we have never seen or heard, for each of them matters as much as any familiar public figure. It is time to join together in faith of God’s promises and seek hope and comfort for a nation in agony.

“My soul faints with longing for your salvation,
But I have put my hope in your word.”
-Psalm 119:81

 

And someone else’s moving blog on Iraq: http://www.loriroeleveld.com/blog/what-we-owe-beheaded-children/

Timmy and the New Age

It can be so easy, at this age, to put the onus of behavior, society, and religion on the older generation.
“They raised us,” we can claim, content to wallow in bad behavior. Too often I see life driven by excuses like that. Do we expect to be reprimanded? (If we were, would we even listen?)
Recently I felt led to read the Timothy books. When I reached chapter 2 Timothy chapter 3, my heart got heavy.
2 Tim 3: 1-5 reads thus: “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—having a form of godliness but denying it’s power. Have nothing to do with them.”
Wow. That’s hard to swallow. As I prayed over it and thought about it, it became more and more apparent how explicitly true this is right now in our generation. Though I could get into each and every trait that was listed in those verses, I’ll just illuminate my thoughts on a few:
Lovers of themselves: think selfies? That’s pretty self-loving. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the occasional fun selfie, but there are people who take it too far. Narcissism has never been easier or more prominent.
Boastful, proud: how often are we posting status updates about our failures? Do we ever “market” ourselves in our social media realm as anything more than 110% better, funnier, and smarter than we actually are?
Disobedient to their parents: Their parents. This means that these “people” are not the old ones, whose parents have passed away. These “people” are young; they are us—that is the harsh truth of it. How often do we see self-entitlement all around us? We may disobey our parents simply because we think we know better. We do not have the same life experiences.
Ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, treacherous, rash, conceited: All one needs to do is turn on some reality television to see the extent of these characteristics in today’s generation. Those gypsy wedding shows? Those sweet sixteen birthday shows? Ridden with these things. And yet, even scarier by far, I have demonstrated these qualities. I think we all have at one point or another. It’s one thing to work hard and get what you want, then all too easy to forget to sustain thankfulness for it, or for the people around us. We are a “me” centered generation.
Lovers of pleasure rather than God: A statement like this may bring to mind going out to party and missing church the next morning, but I challenge you to see it on an everyday scale—how often do I choose to Facebook or Instagram for a period of time I could have spent praying? How often do I convince myself that I need to go to the gym to look good instead of getting into the Word for that hour? There’s nothing wrong with a healthy relationship to social media, and being healthy counts for a lot. It’s when these seemingly trivial things take up a not-so-trivial space in our lives that we need to pause and reconsider where we are putting our values.
Those five verses pack a punch. Thankfully, however, God is so good.
Littered many places elsewhere throughout both Timothy books are God’s call to the young generation—US!—to pursue righteousness. It is us who have the God-given call to stop blaming those older than us for the immaturity of our generation. 1 Timothy 4:12 reads “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in love, in faith, and in purity” (my emphasis added). God outright states here that age does not matter! We count! Our actions and attitudes have merit! He goes on to say that we should be setting an example—not for little children around us, not for youth we may mentor, not for babies yet to be born, but for the believers. As in all believers, regardless of age! Just because we have less years to our lives does not mean we have any less right to be able to set a good example, even to those older than us.
It can be hard to break out of the mindset of our generation. It can be hard to go against that flow when everyone is running the same way.
Thankfully, however—and I could say this a million times—God is so good.
2 Timothy 1:6 reads “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but of power, of love, and of self-discipline.”
That right there is all the hope and encouragement we could ever need or ask for. If God makes a promise like that, He will keep it. We are more powerful than the ungodly tendencies that happen around us. We are more loving than the cruel words that are easy to say to hide insecurities and fears. We have the self-discipline to put all of these good works into plan, and SET AN EXAMPLE. He is all too willing to give us all of that, all we need do is ask.
I do not desire our generation to be a 2 Timothy 3 generation. I do not desire us to sit back and play into those negative characteristics while we blame the generation above us. I do not desire our generation to go against God’s heart like that. We are capable of so much more!
Maturity is more than the number of years you have lived upon this earth. Maturity is defined by your choices, actions, and attitude. It is important and vital to partner with that older generation, to glean their knowledge as we impart on them a passion to live out God’s plans even as the world gets crazy. We may be young, but we have the capability to be powerful in maturity.

Life Lessons with Mr. W

Today I’m pondering a renewing of the mind when it comes to the minorities in our—or any— community. A movie I watched recently talked about the concept of “embedding” in the psychological sense: where an initial idea about someone/a group of people becomes the standard by which you judge them by from then on, even if that first idea was false, misconstrued, or plainly made up. That first idea that you may have heard or been socialized to believe (maybe that they’re different, their beliefs are wrong, they couldn’t understand you, etc.) becomes the primary thought by which you think of them.

If the thought or idea is not a positive one, it can cause prejudice and judgement, pure pre-determined meanness.

And we are not called to be mean.

An example I’ll use here is the Indo-Canadian community in Abbotsford. I grew up going to a mostly-white Christian school, so I had no genuine or deep interactions with anyone older of Indian descent or beliefs. The Indo-Canadians I knew were young, Canada-born, and for the most part Christian.

So, I was socialized with some “embedded” thoughts: that older, traditional Indo-Canadians, because they are Sikh, or Hindu, or believing anything other than my beliefs, would not enable me to relate to them. Because they are older, they will not be prone to listen to someone my age. The language barrier came into account and embedded the thought of, “Well, why even try?” It is not that I had a racist mindset, or wished them ill or looked down on them. I simply did not understand, and in that naiveté, did not even try to.  In that way I was being, in a sense, mean. I do not consider myself a judgemental person, but these embedded opinions transcended the label of “judgments” and were just internalized thoughts.

When my mind does not fully encompass God’s heart for something, He always has a method of changing it. In this case, it was in the form of a tiny Indian man where I will here call Mr. W.

He came into my work one day and was wandering around. I approached him and asked if he needed help with anything.

His accent was heavy, and after a lot of back and forth words and hand gestures, I found out he wanted a book on “centurions:” people who live to be 100. He was, at that time, 85.

We did not have any books on centurions, but God opened up my eyes and I felt such a rush of kindness and love for this strange old man. Little did I know his strangeness would wear off, and we would become in an odd way very good friends.

That day I asked him why he wanted to live so long, and he told me about his family, and life, and health. He was full of vitality and his eyes were bright. As we spoke we adjusted to one another’s accents and the language barrier began to crumble away. My want to be kind and show him love grew as he talked and shared about his life.

When he left, I was humbled and broken in the best way. My embedded thoughts on the older Indian people in our community had been shattered by the interaction with this one human being. Before he left he shook hands and thanked me.

It’s been over a year since he first came into my work, and since that day, he comes and visits me dutifully every week. We still don’t have any books on centurions, but he makes up for that by reading random bits of life-help books, and discussing his health with me. I have gotten to congratulate him on both his 86th and 87th birthdays. He always cares to ask about my school and wants to have me for dinner to meet his children and grandchildren. He tells me often I have become a “source of joy in his week” and I could not be more thankful, for he is one in mine as well.

Since befriending him, I have been more conscious of how I treat other older members of the Indo-Canadian minority. Recently another older Indian man came to my work and I did my best to help him, thinking of Mr. W the whole time.  When I had given my help, this older man took my hand and thanked me most profusely for my kindness. I got the impression that he was not showed this same treatment at a lot of places he went; perhaps those he dealt with had the same embedded impressions I previously had. Perhaps I would have treated him that same way, had I not met Mr. W.

Of course, this shedding of embedded thoughts does not solely pertain to Indo-Canadian people, they are just one of many examples. What are the deep beliefs of your heart and mind when it comes to the people around you, be them minorities or majorities? Those with disabilities? Those older than you? Or significantly younger? Of a different belief system? The list goes on. It is easy to spot differences, but it is worth it to ignore them and look deeper.

Too often we have values socialized within us before we have the opportunity to scrutinize them and fight them off if need be. Growing up in the world will do that, we cannot help it—we are affected and shaped by what is around us. We are not called to be of the world, however, simply in it. I know I am meant to showcase God’s love for every individual, regardless of what “group” they may be a part of. Those initial embedded thoughts may be innate within us, but they are far from steadfast. So as we reside upon this earth for our short lives, I hope that we strip away those prejudices and that meanness, for when those walls are torn away we are open to opportunity of being blessed in unexpected and wonderful ways.

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The Stranger Should be You

WATCH : http://www.wimp.com/strangersmirror/

 

This video is wonderful. Stuff like this gets me stoked. I love it when people’s views of themselves are turned around—in a good way. Unlike the last one though, this one goes deeper than just surface appearance. It touches on self-worth.

Self-worth, also known as self-esteem, is the confidence in one’s own values or abilities.

Self-worth goes far beyond the realm of just physical appearance. It’s a matter of the heart and mind. If your heart and mind do not realize the limitless value that is you, depression seeps in. Sadness seeps in. The inability to think clearly seeps in, because clear thinking entails a heart and mind free of clutter. When you don’t realize your worth, you are cluttering those precious spaces.

(Of course there’s the far end of the spectrum, where the ego kicks in and you think too much of yourself. But because I’ve dealt with self-worth issues, and I know some people very dear to me who struggle with their self-worth, I’m hereby focussing on the other end of the extreme.)

Self-worth.

The confidence in one’s own values or abilities.

The confidence in one’s own value and abilities. It is a subjective opinion. The “self” part pertaining to you, and you alone! But how often are we allowing others to determine our self-worth for us? Where do you get yours from? Media? Friends? Strangers?

When we measure ourselves against others, we are choosing to be blind to our own potential. A fish could not compare itself to a bird; it is a separate entity entirely. Though we are all human, we are separate entities. Everyone has different gifts and abilities.

Imagine yourself holding a box full of precious jewels. Now imagine the person next to you holding a similar box, with different jewels. If you’re looking into your neighbour’s jewel box, scoping out what ones shine more than yours, you’re completely ignoring the ones you have in yours—maybe different ones, but definitely just as valuable.

When you focus on your good “jewels,” your gifts and talents and passions, you have the opportunity to thrive. Every second spent comparing yourself to another person is a second of your time completely wasted. Comparison will get you nowhere.

In society where so much is measured by what we do, and not who we are, it is hard to not automatically make those comparisons. “Better” is all around us, but “better” is within us. Your worth is not contingent on other people! You are master of it.

You are a sum total of your abilities and attitude. Your attitude matters so much. How you think of yourself becomes how you represent yourself. Think mean, comparative, not-good-enough thoughts, and those thoughts will become evident in your life. They will eat you up. Think positive, encouraging notions, and you’ll be able to lean in to the abilities and goodness you are capable of. Thoughts manifest themselves as words and actions.

The people in the video are a prime example. While one man talks about being self-conscious about his cheeks, the man giving him a “first impression” opinion states how he looks like the life of the party, and he’d want to “gravitate towards him.” A girl commenting on her appearance gets told she looks like a “really fun person.” If that man and girl had thought those positive things about themselves from the beginning, his cheeks wouldn’t matter so much. Nor would her appearance.

“I wasn’t really expecting that,” one guy says after he sees a video of someone’s first impression of him. These are real people like you and me. Odds are, someone’s first impression of you might surprise yourself, too. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt and choose to see those good things about yourself.

I know, of course, that the journey to healthy self-worth is not one that occurs quickly. I don’t pretend to think I have the healthiest view of myself all the time, but changing my thoughts and attitude toward myself have made all the difference.

I encourage you to talk to yourself in a mirror. It’s strange at first, and then you may come to realize what you need—or want—to hear. Give yourself that first impression, and be kind. Become friends with yourself, accept yourself, and speak that good right into your own face. Look yourself right in your eyes and appreciate the wonder, the quirks, the passions, the limitless potential, which is YOU! The more you practice control over your view of self, the more that control will become truth.

A quote I heard once that’s changed my life goes like this: “It’s important to have an ongoing conversation with yourself, for your entire life, to make sure you’re doing okay.” Talk to yourself, and make it things you need to hear.

“I am stuck in this body until I die so what good is it going to do if I’m mean to myself?” says one girl at the end of the video. Let that resonate.

Be kind to yourself.

Because you are worth it.

 

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Those Selfies.

This Will Forever Change The Way You Look At Selfies

Back in January, when I originally posted the below link and commentary to Facebook, I did not expect the flood of positive texts, messages, emails, and comments (which I am so thankful for!). Because I’m rather “internet-shy,” preferring to peruse websites without actually contributing, I thought that even though those thoughts were accepted well, it would be the end of my words available to the public.
As the months went on, however, I felt it pressing on my heart to share more of what goes on in my mind. The thoughts I voiced in the Facebook post have been ruminating in my mind more and more, growing into more thoughts, about more things. The more I pondered about these things, and who they were affecting—namely young women—the more my heart broke for this cause. At one point I found myself crying out to God, asking for the hearts of these young girls that I do not even know yet! My spirit was so moved in thinking of the love I had to share.
Thus, after a lot of thought, prayer, and resisting, here I am: I’ve started a blog.
For those of you that know me, you’ll know that this is indeed a brave move. Like I said, I’ve been rather hesitant and afraid of my words and personal experiences in the public sphere. But, by the grace of God, as well as everyone’s flood of positive comments and encouragement, I will step into this boldly with the hope that you will enjoy reading and perhaps in some small way even gain insight.
So I thought I’d start off this blog with that original Facebook post. There is more to come; I look forward to your feedback and sharing with you what goes on in my mind and heart.
-N
January 2014:

http://unlooker.com/selfie/
I do not usually voice my thoughts on Facebook at all; I find it intimidating to put myself out there like this. But recently scrolling down my newsfeed has brought a plethora of articles to my attention, the majority of them centred on women and beauty and the media’s ideals. Typically I may read or watch a clip or two and brush it off with the thought of, “Well, that’s life. All people have their insecurities; it’s something we just deal with.” So today when I came across this video I expected to feel the same.
I didn’t, however.
I was thought it would be a case on why selfies are lame, but by the end I found myself moved almost to tears by the women in this 8 minute clip. These young girls naming features they don’t like about themselves; these moms themselves enforcing media-pleasing standards of beauty… I found my heart hurting.
As some of you know for a brief time I was a model. I wasn’t long in the business before the ugliness began to show through, the insecurities and the fact that Photoshop is always the real ideal. Sometimes only parts of me were used: legs, or hands, etc. For a while I began to see myself as just that: parts. Parts that, when separate may have been okay, but put them together as a whole, and that whole is flawed. So watching this video, with the girls naming these “parts” as things they dislike, well… it hit home.
Most of you will probably never read this or care, but I thought I’d just like to throw some encouragement out there.
Because you are beautiful, and I mean that with complete sincerity. The entirety of you is beautiful.
I could pull the old “you’re always beautiful in Gods sight” move but I won’t go there simply because I know some of you don’t believe in God. Right now, it doesn’t matter whose eyes you’re looking through, be it Gods or your mom’s or boyfriends or that model you see perfectly airbrushed on TV. Right now, the only eyes that matter are your own.
Like the girls in the video you may know the angles and tricks to make yourself look the best possible in a picture- so someone else looking at the image will approve and think nice (envious?) thoughts. But put those tricks aside and look at yourself straight on and raw, as if you are the only person on earth: you set your OWN standard. You rule those freckles. That hair is beautiful even though it’s bed head. Your mouth may not be that puckered pout exhibited by those Photoshop creations but your mouth is capable of kind words and laughter and loving yourself. You are wonderful and you are YOU; no one else on earth will get that privilege. You are BEAUTIFUL! Smile at yourself!
Then take those kind eyes and apply them to someone else. In the video, girls set up a gallery of selfies where they could leave compliments on post-it notes next to the faces. On a similar scale, we can do this right now, no post-it’s required. Give someone a compliment. A real one. Not on their clothes or makeup, but something genuine about their eyes or smile- look for the beauty and you will find it. Appearance may not matter as much as the heart but even the smallest compliment could brighten someone’s day or even, dare I say it, give them a new healthier perspective on themselves. The small things add up! Let’s turn those comparisons into compliments.
Most of all I hope and pray any beauty you exhibit on the outside will come from a pool of inner beauty within. Kind thoughts and kind words will lead to a beautiful heart. If even one person reads this and gives makes one positive remark to someone else who needs it (whether they know it or not), the world will be a little more beautiful.